Unicorn Mermaid

The Little Mermaid came out in 1989, which was the year I was born.

And I LOVED it. It was the movie I could watch over and over and over again without getting bored. I never got why Ariel wanted human legs when all I wanted was a mermaid tail and to swim around with fish friends.

Watching it again 20 years later didn’t feel weird or awkward. The Little Mermaid may be a children’s movie but it is really a masterpiece and part of Disney’s renaissance period. The music is just as good as it always was.

But.

Now all I see are plot holes and mysterious questions floating around.

1. Every sister has a different hair colour.

Are they adopted? Does biology works differently for mermaids and humans?

In The Little Mermaid 3: Ariel’s Beginning, it’s shown that Ariel’s mum has red hair and King Triton has brown hair.

Maybe they have waterproof hair dye in the underwater world?

2. What do merpeople eat?

Since Flounder is Ariel’s best friend, she can’t be a fish-eater too right?

Maybe all merpeople are vegetarian? I mean if merpeople eat fish, would they be indulging in cannibalism since they’re essentially half-fish?

3. Why doesn’t the shark speak?

Everything else speaks.

Giving sharks a bad name.

4. Ariel, you spend your whole life underwater and your makeup and hair is still flawless.

I need to know what lipstick and haircare products you use.

5. “Ariel. The human world, it’s a mess.”

YAAAS Sebastian, finally someone who gets the human world! That seagull is useless.

Listen to Sebastian, he knows what he’s talking about.

6. “Daddy I love him!”

Girl you are 16. Have you even talked to him? Do you know what’s his last name?

7. But then again Prince Eric is still as handsome as I remembered.

Sigh. Oh Ariel.

8. That garden of slave worms was so creepy back then.

Aaaand it’s still creepy now. Bravo Disney animators.

9. Clearly Ariel isn’t well-versed in negotiation.

“How about you take my long swishy hair instead?” Or “I’ll give you some fabulous jewellery I found in the ship wrecks I’ve explored.” Ursula certainly looks like an appreciator / purveyor of fine jewellery.

10. Ariel is really pleased about her new legs but shouldn’t she be more focused on the fact that she now has a HUMAN VAGINA?

Asking the real questions here.

11. Why didn’t Ariel just write out that she was the one who saved him?

She could sign her name so clearly she could write.

12. So Prince Eric finds a strange naked woman who can’t speak washed up on the shore, and he just brings her back to live with him?

She could have been an assassin. Or an enemy spy. Or a gold digger.

13. Hee hee hee haw haw haw!

The chef is still my favourite character.

Poor man just wants to cook.

14. Ahh, Kiss the Girl.

Sebastian is totally the ultimate wingman you’re looking for.

15. So Ariel got into a boat and almost kissed a guy, and Ursula calls her a tramp?

Ursula (and the rest of the world) needs to stop the slut shaming.

16. Where is Prince Eric’s family?

They are never seen. In the beginning it is mentioned to Eric: “You’ve got to get back to court – to honor your father’s dying wish and take up his crown!” But what about his mother? Siblings? Distant relatives?

Surely if he was considering marrying Ariel, he would want his family to meet her first?

And he almost got married to Vanessa. Wouldn’t his family members be front and center of the wedding?

17. Wait… merman King Triton and octopus Ursula are brother and sister?!

But what… how… when? Are their parents an octopus and a mermaid/merman?

Or was Ursula originally a mermaid who was cursed into an octopus?

Are octopi ostracized by society compared to mermen, just like humans of different skin colour or sexuality preferences? TOO MANY QUESTIONS.

18. Ariel, I know you have a deep fascination for legs and humans but YOU HAVEN’T EXPERIENCED HUMAN PERIODS YET.

And once you do…

19. What happens to fishing after that?

Since they live near the coast, it makes sense that seafood is one of the largest economic trade. Citizens make a living fishing and selling and cooking seafood. So… what happens now since their new queen is a half-fish with fish friends everywhere?

20. I still want a mermaid tail.

Sigh.

Much Love,

Fari Wu